Vomit of thoughts...

I am sitting here on the couch in our apartment in Barcelona and I just keep thinking... am I truly living life to the fullest?  This thought has been racing through my head the past hour as I read this blog post.  I just keep thinking and thinking... am I living life to the fullest?  Yes, I am currently traveling through Barcelona and was in Budapest/Rome last weekend.  I am living in Tunisia.  But sometimes (more often than not) I find myself comfortable.  I have a supportive family, financially stable, and a safe/stable home.  Yea, driving in Tunisia is not always safe, getting to the grocery store is not as easy as my neighborhood Walmart, the internet goes out, my refrigerator door falls off, my blinds won't close, my blinds won't open, the AC in my classroom is broken.  But I have a car, I have a large grocery store, I have wifi and 3G on my cell phone, I have a refrigerator and dishwasher as well as cold and hot safe water, I have blinds (or doors when they don't work), and I have windows to open when the AC breaks.  I just viewed over 1,600 pictures of a wedding I was suppose to be at and a video I got to be in (via Skype).  It is so wonderful to see so many pictures so I could piece together what went down that day.  It broke my heart to not be there... to watch the bridesmaids try to tie Meg's dress up (when I have done it twice), to see each Bridesmaid get their pictures taken, to watch my brother walk my grandma down the aisle, and my favorite... to see the way Tram and Meg looked at each other!  They are married and I cannot wait to see them in December as Mr. and Mrs. Zackery for the first time!  But I still keep thinking... am I living life to the fullest?  There are many, many, many children without homes, water, moms, dads, beds, and live in Africa and it rips my heart in two.  I just want to fix it or go live there with them to see and feel where they are coming from.  There is a girl younger than me who lives in Uganda and is in the process of adopting 13 girls.  There are two girls who were foster moms in Uganda to 4 babies.  One of those girls is now getting ready to adopt 2 girls from Uganda.

But as I type it hits me... I have to stop living life in the "there's got to be more" mentality!  I need to enjoy life in the "here and now"!  I MUST be grateful for all that I have been given and all that I have.  I am one blessed (not lucky) girl!  I am getting to live in Tunisia.  I am teaching children from 16 different countries, with 16 different accents, and who all look different!  I am more than blessed and am so grateful to be given the opportunity to travel and experience things!  I need to stop and enjoy the world around me... not always wanting something more or different!  I need to have the attitude of gratitude!

**Disclaimer- I do not by any means want to hurt others' feelings or change the way people view me.  But if you know me, you know I will say things like I see or feel them.  A lot was going through my mind tonight and I thought it would be best for me to write it down.  And as I read over this, I feel like I am complaining and that is not my intention... I am more so giving myself a kick in the pants to enjoy where I am now! Love to you all!

Oh, and Barcelona pictures will hopefully be up soon! :)