On Wednesday, I went to see my cardiologist for my check up to see how much my heart has healed since my last visit the end of January. She was very please with it and said it looks a lot better! She said she was comfortable now with me going back to Tunisia! I was cleared! I was totally shocked and excited but then when she left the room, I started crying. I was so scared to leave now that the time was actually hear. Since the end of January I have been "ready" to go back and now I am not so sure. The grass is always greener.
Since that time, I have not stopped running (not literally! plus the doctor said I could only do exercise in 15 minute increments until my body was ready to do longer- and we all know how much I love to run ;). I have emailed friends in Tunis, FaceTimed Laura, texted friends here, called Lufthansa (and called...) to book my flight, and that is just the things I can do sitting down. I have also visited with friends one final time and spent as much time as I can with my family. Oh I have gone to the vet to get Zoe checked out and ready to fly. I was not expecting to be cleared and was not expecting all I had to do at the very last minute. But my school and friends in Tunis have been very supportive! My friends here have been encouragin! And my family has been my rock- when I crumble and feel everything around me has crumbled, they have stood firm and held me up!
Right before I leave to go back to Tunis every time, I turn into another person. A monster some might say!.I become super stressed and I think I handle my way of leaving by holding people at a distance. I become mean and I hate that! I don't know why I do it. Probably because it is so hard to leave (once I get to Tunis, I am ok but the leaving kills me every time) and I don't share my feelings. I like to keep my feelings bottled up which is not a good thing and I need to work on releasing them. But I just being honest here. Remember... my blog so no judging! ;) I have shared my feelings on here before- I feel safe here. Anyway, the one who I will at times let loose to is Zoe and poor thing, I am sure she has no idea what I am saying through the sobs but she sits, snuggles and listens.
So yes, I am going back to Tunis! Yes, I am so excited to spend time with my friends! Yes, I am excited to get hugs from my PreKers! Yes, I am excited to become a teacher again! But I am so scared! Scared to leave the life I have lived for the past 3+ months! (Wow... it just hit me... today is my 3 month anniversary since my surgery!) Scared to be away from my parents! Sad to leave my friends! Scared I won't remember how to teach or even worse remember how to manage a classroom full of 18 three and four year olds! But through deep breaths and a lot of trust in God, He will get me through this! He has carried me this far and isn't going to drop me now! He is going to keep carrying me and I need to let him.
Thank you! Thank you for the prayers, calls, texts, emails, Voxers, pictures, cards, and love! Without your love and supposrt, these last 3 months would have been impossible! And to my parents: you are my rock! Thank you for EVERYTHING you have done for me! I love you to the moon and back!!!
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