Apprehensive

Growing up my favorite show was "Full House".  In the episode when Uncle Jesse found out he was having twins with Aunt Becky, he told Michelle he was "apprehensive".  Well that is currently how I am feeling about my upcoming move.  This summer has been so different than my past summers.  I feel like I should be finishing up my second week of school with my first graders.  Instead I am spending my days babysitting and preparing for my move.  While it has been great babysitting and spending time with my friends, it feels so weird to not be doing what I used to doing.  Lately as the time to me leaving is becoming more closer and therefore more real, it is a whole lot harder to face reality.  Mom reminded me that when things get closer it's harder.  Reality is setting in and for a girl that hates change... this is very scary!  At this point, I have more nerves than I do excitement.  Now that does not mean that I am not excited to go... it just means I am super nervous.  I am at the point where I feel like everything is a "last" for me... last time I will eat at Serendipity, last time I will see a movie with my mom, last time I will babysit overnight for the Smiths, last time I will tuck Justin and Graham into bed, and the list goes on.  Last Saturday, I said goodbye to my cousin and it was really hard!  It was my first official goodbye I have had (outside of school) and it was gut-wrenching!  I am typing in tears as I think about.  Chrissy and I have been very tight friends since she was born.  There is a bond I cannot explain and while we have not always lived near each other, for some reason this move is hard!  I cried crocodile tears last weekend but I was so grateful to have a friend who I can be so open with.  She was so encouraging and I cannot wait to see her at Christmas.  But it just solidified how hard saying goodbye is going to be.  But my mom keeps reminding me that I am not gone forever and all of these "lasts" are not final!  I will be back at Christmas and every summer!  I will continue to have these memories and make lots of new ones.  So what I have decided to do from here until I leave August 7 is to enjoy all the things I get to do... really and truly enjoy them.  I want to work on cherishing the moment and not thinking that it is a last.  I am very grateful for the friendships I have and I look forward to continuing them while I am abroad!

Thank you for letting me "vomit" tonight!  I have had a lot of feelings swarming, especially today and I felt they needed to be recorded.