If you know me, you know I HATE change! I want things to go how I have them planned and how they have always gone! I often make things traditions that others may not consider traditions just to keep things the same! And when change is thrown upon me, let's just say... I rarely handle it well! This upcoming surgery has thrown a huge curve ball to my life and I have not handled it well! Before my parents told me I had to have another open heart surgery, I had it all planned out: Thanksgiving in Paris, visit to the Christmas markets in Germany on my way home, Christmas in Arizona, and back to Tunis by January 3rd. But God is in control (NOT me) and that is not what is happening at all! No Paris, no Arizona, and no Tunis in January! And let's just say, I have not been handling it well!
I found these online: Dr, Jaquiss, my surgeon and Dr. Armstrong, my cardiologist
As time goes on, I am slowly realizing how tired I am becoming and how easily I get out of breath. While this is expected, it is not easy. I cannot climb stairs without getting winded and walking and talking at the same time can be a bit of challenge. I am also needing more sleep and taking it more easy than I use to (not go, go, go as I'm use to). I also found out last week that Zoe was unable to fly on the current flight I had booked because of codeshare (two airlines... yada yada yada). So I had to change flights to one where she could go with me. The only option was to have an overnight layover in Frankfurt. I realized there was no way I had the stamina and strength to go to Paris and spend the night in Frankfurt just to get back to the states. So I made the decision to not go to Paris! This tore me into 2 but I had to do what was best for me.
So once I was at peace with not going to Paris, I found out Zoe could not go into Germnay becaue she had to have a blood test 3 months in advance!!! So after long hours of research and tears, I found out that she has to go as cargo (in the belly of the plane with the suitcases). This tore me up because she is always with me when I fly. But I knew this is what I had to do to have her with me for my 2 months in the states!
So after going to an amazing vet, I got Zoe this crate for her to take on her trip under the plane. She is slowly but surely getting use to it!
All of this long explanation is to get to a point. Through all of this headache, I kept wondering what God's plan was. Did He not want Zoe to come with me? Did He know of something that was going to happen and everything was happening for a reason? I didn't know (and still don't) but I have to trust. I have to trust in God and His plan! Which is super hard and at times, killing me! I won't be here with my students for two months, I don't get to see the Boyers at Thanksgiving and the Killoms at Christmas. I don't get to do things I had planned. This was not MY plan. This is out of MY control! But I have to take a step back and realize this is all God's plan! Even though I don't totally understand, I must trust God because HE is in control and HE knows what is best! I MUST trust God!
As scrolling through pictures, I found some of these that inspire me and give me hope...
This is me and Marissa after she fought an UGLY battle with Leukemia! She was a student of mine in 1st grade and I taught her at home when she was fighting Leukemia. To see what she overcame at such a young age, softens me!
One of my favorite pictures! This is Carol and I in Zambia after coming home to a frightening sight! We coped best with humor and loved that we had on opposite shirt and bra colors. We had to have a picture! As rough as a night that was, I cherish this picture!
Gluhwein hot chocolate at a Christmas market in Germany... as disappointed as I am that I cannot spend 5 days there, I am blessed to have a couple hours to spend there this year
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